I am Number Five!

I am Number Four: The Lost Files:Five’s Legacy, Return to Paradise and Five’s Betrayal by Pittacus Lore

I haven’t actually read I am Number Four. I saw the movie once, but I assume that the book is much, much, much better. I’m not even sure how I ended up choosing this book but anyway it was great. It consisted of three stories, two about Five and one about Mark, Sarah’s ex-boyfriend who knows about the Mogs and Lorien.

Five apparently goes to the dark side, which I assume is relevant to the series. His story was really interesting and great, with a very understandable slide into evil. Which is more than I can say about other books I’ve listened to recently. Five has lived on a deserted island for years when the story starts, because it’s the only place his Cepan thinks they’ll be safe. This has made  him lonely, and he constantly worries about what the other Lorien are doing without him. He’s also a little lazy and resists Ray’s teaching, but really he’s just a teenager. When Ray dies he’s forced to go out into a world he doesn’t really understand and fight for his survival, mostly using his Legacies. After being alone for so long it’s not that hard to believe he latches on to the first person who shows him real kindness and acceptance. It’s actually totally understandable (and here there be spoilers) when it turns out that his only real friend is working for the Mogs that he’d consider listening to them, that he’d eventually join him. Of course, the reader knows that he’s being manipulated but he’s just a kid who’s spent his whole life being lonely, afraid and feeling like he has no control over his entire life. Why wouldn’t he listen to what he want to hear, particularly when it’s his best friend telling him? Of course as the story goes on it becomes increasingly clear that what he’s doing is horrible, morally unforgivable and destroying who he was, but still, watching his journey, you feel for him. I understood exactly why he’d betray the other Lorien. Lots of heroic falls are over simplified but I didn’t think this one was at all.

Mark’s story was also great. My favourite parts should be familiar to anyone who’s ever kept a big secret – the struggle to pretend life is the same, that you understand it, that you can continue to live it the way you did before. He was also a great character, a perfect blend of selfish and heroic, enough to make him believable, irritating and sympathetic.

I probably should have started at the beginning and worked my way to these stories but I didn’t. I would absolutely read more and recommend them for kids, either as read-withs for slightly younger kids or read yourselves for teens.

Also, aliens in the FBI instead of the FBI after aliens. Solid twist.

Last movie I watched:

Rock A Doodle which is an AMAZING kid’s movie and I don’t know how I missed it as a small person

Last TV episode I watched:

Charmed! The season with all the babies!

A truly eclectic collection of comic books

Avatar The Last Bender by Gene Luen Yang and Faith Erin Hicks

Captain Canuck by Richard Comely, Paul Gardner, Dean Henry, George Freeman and Claude St Audin

Countdown to Final Crisis Paul Dini, Sean Mckeever, Keith Giffen, Jamal Igle, Keith Champagne, Tim Chu, Travis Lanham, Adam Kubert, Edgar Delgado, Elisabeth V Gehrlen and Mike Carlin

Thor God of Thunder bu Jason Aaron and Esad Ribic

Teen Titans Go! by Sholly Fisch, Ben Bates, Wes Abbott, Dan Hipp and Alex Antone

The New 52 Futures End by someone who apparently had their names taken off the cover

Okay, briefly because even though I was fond of most of them, I’m very behind on my blogs and my lunch is over in 20 minutes.

The Avatar was great! It was very empowered, kick ass lady like and I would absolutely read the rest of the series, even the ones that I’d have to pay for. You know, if I actually had time.

Captain Canuck is back. Everyone panic. Honestly, I kind of think the idea is kind of ridiculous because I’d rather my people and I came up with something that was less of a knock off and more of a Canadian thing, but I have to say it was pretty good. I liked it, and I was pretty impressed. It was cool to see places I know being reflecting in comics. Probably not enough to by the rest of them but you know, it was good.

The Countdown, I felt like I missed something. It looks like some of the Titans and some of the Justice League are somewhere, doing something. Yes, that is my report.

The Thor had no words and was basically a big teaser, but I’m not captivated enough to buy the next one. Sorry Thor.

Teen Titans Go! had a pizza monster. I enjoyed the cartoon for sure, and that is the kind of goofy, but this was like really, really goofy. And I laughed a lot.

The New 52 is Batman Beyond! It is Terry! Going back in time to meet the original Justice League and I’m really excited about this one.

Okay, weak blog post, I’ll grant you that. But I read them in a very spread out over several months and they’re a little short to get much said.

That’s why comic books are awesome! Bite sizes of fun!

The last movie I watched:

Probably still the Book Thief. So sad!

Last TV episode I watched:

The last episode of Smash! Season one. Helluva closing number.

I am very sorry if this is your favourite book… ’cause I thought it was absolute rubbish

The Rift by Andrea Cremer

I tried really, really hard to like this book but I failed. Then I tried to give it the benefit of the doubt but I failed. So then I started looking for redeeming qualities and well, I failed at that too. This book was just one giant stream of tropes back, to back, to back with inconsistent characters and the  attempts at grappling with complex themes were so weak that it’s basically just a lie down and let complex themes fall on top of the story.

So, first the tale itself. Ember is the youngest child of Lord Marrow and resents her future as a bride in an advantageous marriage for her father. She would rather learn to fight with a sword with her oldest friend Alistair. This is why, when she’s claimed by Conatas, a mysterious clan from the north she’s excited to leave her family and enter into a life of …. honestly it’s too hard to make it sound like something excited is going to happen when she gets there. I mean, it’s probably exciting for her but from a reader’s perspective not so much.

She enters into a life of falling immediately in love with her mentor without realizing she’s in love with him, her mentor who is gruff, hard and brutal but we’d never actually know that if we weren’t repeatedly told because he’s actually flat, in love with her and motivated by annoyingly uninteresting things like being the perfect hero and in no way gruff, hard or brutal. She enters into a life where your horse claims you and you can learn to ride expertly in a single day, you get magical personal weapons made specially for you that immediately complete you. She enters into a fifteen second training montage that prepares her for the enter book, which takes place over about 10 days. She enters a life where they take her on a dangerous mission just 4 days after she arrives at her new home and she is able to do more to fight monsters then her entire squad of people while sustaining a serious injury.

Her dearest oldest friend goes from the affectionate joker to the aggressive lover to the affectionate joker to the jealous best friend to the man who sells his soul for a woman who he wasn’t remotely interested in until it was convenient to the plot. The other women are all kickass and epic until they get into a situation where it becomes hard to be kickass and then they give up and either die or go to the dark side. Barrow, her lover and mentor, is constantly described one way, and portrayed totally different.

Eira, who should be a tragic symbol of the corruption of a hero, is in actually a symbol of someone who was clearly lazy, bitter and not that heroic becoming lazier, more bitter and going evil. Without any of the complex feelings that could probably accompany summoning a devil because you know, why not?

Honestly, Ember was the “empowered female character” who was completely devoid of any actual characteristics fumbling her way through a story that had as many surprises in it as a box of crayons with a fellowship of sidekicks who invoke so little sympathy I actually don’t care what happens to them in the next book at all. And that almost never happens.

And it hurts my soul, ’cause if a book has a gay pair of characters in a normal, stable relationship whose sexuality is one of their many characteristics (or would if they had any) I really want to like it.

But I don’t.

Last movie I watched:

The Book Thief. The tears I shed for that movie, oh god, it was so beautiful

Last TV episode I watched:

Smash! Man, the first season of that show was great. I’m so sad that the internet tells me the second was the worst

Someone needs to make Artemis Fowl into a movie, but only if Liam Nesson plays Butler

Artemis Fowl The Lost Colony by Eoin Colfer

Super seriously guys, Liam Nesson would be perfect. He’s really tall, Irish and can totally be terrifying. It would be amazing.

Artemis Fowl is great. I’ve read three, one as a graphic novel, one as an actual novel and one as an audiobook in no particular order and every time I do I remember just how awesome they actually are! In case you haven’t had the pleasure, the story is this:

Artemis Fowl is, when the series starts, an eleven year old criminal mastermind who is looking for his father who was kidnapped by the Russian Mafia. He comes up with a genius plan to kidnap a fairy, Holly Short and ransom her for the fairy gold he needs to fund his search for his father. And as the series goes Holly and Artemis end up on the same side to save the world and stop disasters of the scientific, human and fairy kind. In the Lost Colony, its the lost demon dimension crashing back into our reality bringing chaos and violence that units them. With an amazing crew of epic sidekicks who are all my favourites, other than Butler who is my most favourite, the boy genius, the former fairy police officer and a young nemesis called Minerva have to save the world. Again.

These books are fun, funny, the characters are hilarious and well developed. The plot is delightful and the blend of magic and science. Boys should love them because they’re face paced, have wacky creatures and no shortage of biology based jokes but honestly, everyone should just read them because they are great.

I’m going to try to read the whole series, then maybe I’ll come up with something way smarter to say.

Last movie I watched:

Princess Diary 2. So cute. And ridiculous. Ridiculously cute. Or cutely ridiculous. Whatever.

Last TV show I watched:

Veronica Mars. Ridiculously awesome.