Eldest by Christopher Paolini
This book was like someone ate the Salmarillion, a dictionary, every single TV trope ever and a philosophy textbook, vomited it all up and is now trying to convince me to eat it, it’s good.
That may be harsh. But it also might not be.
I know that he was like 16 when he wrote this book, and honestly, despite the heavy trope-i-ness of the story, it would be an engaging story, if it had a story at all. Because it was like 600 hundred pages of meandering mythology that has literally nothing to do with the plot, ever, ever, ever and vague musings about the morality of war (and still coming to a simplistic conclusion) and the existence of a higher power. It’s about as compelling as a text book. Maybe a textbook written on an interesting subject, but still a textbook.
Here’s the story: Eragorn and Saphira won an epic battle, but things don’t go well at all. Urgals attack suddenly, kidnap Eragorn’s friend and the evil magicians, and kill the king of the Varden. The next ruler is chosen, politics happen (seriously, there are a lot of them but they lack subtly, intricacy or cleverness), Eragorn leaves to train with the elves, where he philosophizes, crushes on the elf princess inappropriately (and agonizes over that) and then leaves again. Meanwhile, the soldiers come to his village looking for Roran. He refuses to let them take him away, so his whole village gets lit on fire, slaughtered and his fiancee gets taken prisoner. He grows as a person (with no character development, which is a remarkable feat really), takes the whole village on a quest to find the Varden and finally runs into Eragorn, where he over emotes (without actually having a character). The Varden get an army together, funds it on lace and play politics. Epic battle, cliff hanger. Over.
There I just saved you 24 hours.
I don’t understand how they even got published. I know, I know I’m a snob but seriously, it was more like fantasy world porn, and less like a narrative anyone actually wants to get through.
Also the story is basically Star Wars and Lord of the Rings having an illegitimate child.
Yup. I think that’s the only book I’ve ever blogged about that I really didn’t like. Please don’t let that effect your opinion of me. Personally, I think it speaks volumes about the book.
Last movie I watched: ParaNorman today at work. Great movie. Great movie.
Last TV episode I watched: This Xena right now. Pretty sure Gabrielle’s screwed world up by freeing the Titans. Just sayin’.